Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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