but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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