Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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