I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
