Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize