i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
