The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
