and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
did you get engaged???
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
