I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize