I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
