I want you more than these girls want KFC
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
