We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
