smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
