She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
