Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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