She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
