Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
