Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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