can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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