grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
