there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
