So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
