I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
