whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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