I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
