Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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