Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
