i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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