:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
