did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
