Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
