im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
