i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
