I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
