You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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