Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
