Just fell off a train. Bad.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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