Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
