Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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