My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
