I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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