I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think I just sharted jello shots
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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