For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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