I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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