Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
