if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
