he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
