I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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