we have pet lesbian snakes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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