Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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