Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
