i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
