3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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