No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
