just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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