Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
