I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
