I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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