I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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