if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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