I'm really into asian looking animals
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
