Me. At least after what I've been through.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
