I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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