Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
