your room smells of hookers.
And success
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
