I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
